You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
