a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
