i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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