So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
