hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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