you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
