He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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