eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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