My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
