I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
