I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i think my cat just said my name.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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