I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
