When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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