I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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