U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
