Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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