Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
