i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
