True but thats because hes a fetus.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm having to shit out rocks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
