You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
