i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
