Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
