tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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