That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
