We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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