Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
