I want to have your abortion
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
