No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
two words...techno handjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
