I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize