Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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