Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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