Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
