i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
