my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
