No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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