at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
