omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
