I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
