Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
