Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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