I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
