You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize