i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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