so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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