god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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