What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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