I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
