He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
