Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize