Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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