Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
