So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
