I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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