my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
