shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please come you make the beer taste better
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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