Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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