I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
