thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
