Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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