Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
