like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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