Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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