It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
God, I missed his penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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