i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
