i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
