I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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