This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
