foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
