kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
