Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
