I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
