Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
