put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
