You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
