I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
