The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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